Hi there! I’m Hannah and I blog over at Just Bee. Our blog chronicles the small joys of rural life, the adventures of marriage, good food, travel, faith, and photography. I’m a 20-something elementary teacher, and married to my best friend, Bjorn. He’s the reason this girl moved from (a coffee shop-filled) life in the suburbs to small-town life in the country…even though I miss Starbucks sometimes, I’m loving it here. I can’t get enough of the country sunsets! While we look forward to the day we raise little ones on our own farm place, we’re loving the adventure we’re currently on!
I’ve been married to my best friend, Bjorn, for over 8 months. We just love the blessing of doing daily life together – and having a partner to adventure with! Even though we’re considered newlyweds, I’ve already learned so much about marriage, myself, and what my commitment to my husband truly means. And for me, this commitment means that I cherish him, respect him, and choose not to put him down.
Taming the tongue is arguably one of life’s hardest tasks! It’s (unfortunately) easy for me to say bitter or rude words in the heat of an argument or when I’m upset with someone. Another time the harsh words can come out, though, is when the person’s not even around! This negativity especially seems to happen when people are talking about their spouse.
When I got married, I made the commitment to never speak poorly about my husband. In the ups and downs of life, though, sometimes a phrase or two slip out and I realize that the way I described Bjorn or his actions was not loving! Without knowing it, we as women can get caught up in bad-mouthing our husbands. It can happen most anywhere – in a break room at work, on the phone with a girlfriend, or even talking with our mom.
I once heard a comedian’s spiel about people portraying husbands as stupid. There are so many commercials and TV shows out there that make husbands seem like dumb-blonde brutes who have no clue how to help around the house or with the kids. “What is the deal with these commercials?” the comedian asks, and then he imitates a whiny wife’s irritated voice. “My husband…is sooo stuuuupid…” While it’s a funny sketch, he has a good point. Whining about or making fun of husbands has become such a common thing. Our husbands are not helpless without us, they are not clueless, they are not just large children in need of correcting… Our husbands are men of courage and conviction, and we should treat them as dearly loved companions, not as pet peeves.
Husband-bashing sessions can become habitual. Just like some people slip easily into talking about the weather (hey, this is life for us in MN!) or complaining as a conversation starter, others use my-husband-is-so-stupid stories as fodder for conversation! Once people get on a roll with husband bashing, it’s almost too easy to just jump in with another story of “this dumb thing my husband did the other day.” Bad-mouthing sessions can seem fun in the moment but there are consequences in the end. I never want to let my attitude towards my husband become so sour that I see him in a bitter light. It should never be “him against me”; as cheesy as it sounds, it’s meant to be “us against the world!”
Marriage is so unique and special – partly because marriage allows you to be both fully known and fully loved. In marriage, you are so connected with someone that you know them more intimately than anyone else in the world. What a privilege and what an immense responsibility! You are the one who knows your spouse deeply, in all their imperfectness. You hold their heart – something they chose to entrust you with! Your spouse should feel like they can let their guard down around you, without fear of criticism, harsh words, or even eye rolls.
Just like I feel safe around Bjorn, I want my husband to always feel safe around me – knowing that whatever fumbles might happen in his day, I won’t make fun of him, tear him down, or laugh about his supposed “stupidity” behind his back. It is our job as wives to be our husband’s greatest champion – his greatest cheerleader! So I urge you to join me in thinking of new ways daily to build up our husbands! And for those of you who have been married longer than we newlyweds have, please share your ideas with us! In what ways do you support and encourage your husband throughout the day? I’d love to hear your thoughts!