Hi there! I’m Hannah and I blog over at Just Bee. Our blog chronicles the small joys of rural life, the adventures of marriage, good food, travel, faith, and photography. I’m a 20-something elementary teacher, and married to my best friend, Bjorn. He’s the reason this girl moved from (a coffee shop-filled) life in the suburbs to small-town life in the country…even though I miss Starbucks sometimes, I’m loving it here. I can’t get enough of the country sunsets! While we look forward to the day we raise little ones on our own farm place, we’re loving the adventure we’re currently on!
I’ve been married to my best friend, Bjorn, for over 8 months. We just love the blessing of doing daily life together – and having a partner to adventure with! Even though we’re considered newlyweds, I’ve already learned so much about marriage, myself, and what my commitment to my husband truly means. And for me, this commitment means that I cherish him, respect him, and choose not to put him down.
Taming the tongue is arguably one of life’s hardest tasks! It’s (unfortunately) easy for me to say bitter or rude words in the heat of an argument or when I’m upset with someone. Another time the harsh words can come out, though, is when the person’s not even around! This negativity especially seems to happen when people are talking about their spouse.
When I got married, I made the commitment to never speak poorly about my husband. In the ups and downs of life, though, sometimes a phrase or two slip out and I realize that the way I described Bjorn or his actions was not loving! Without knowing it, we as women can get caught up in bad-mouthing our husbands. It can happen most anywhere – in a break room at work, on the phone with a girlfriend, or even talking with our mom.
I once heard a comedian’s spiel about people portraying husbands as stupid. There are so many commercials and TV shows out there that make husbands seem like dumb-blonde brutes who have no clue how to help around the house or with the kids. “What is the deal with these commercials?” the comedian asks, and then he imitates a whiny wife’s irritated voice. “My husband…is sooo stuuuupid…” While it’s a funny sketch, he has a good point. Whining about or making fun of husbands has become such a common thing. Our husbands are not helpless without us, they are not clueless, they are not just large children in need of correcting… Our husbands are men of courage and conviction, and we should treat them as dearly loved companions, not as pet peeves.
Husband-bashing sessions can become habitual. Just like some people slip easily into talking about the weather (hey, this is life for us in MN!) or complaining as a conversation starter, others use my-husband-is-so-stupid stories as fodder for conversation! Once people get on a roll with husband bashing, it’s almost too easy to just jump in with another story of “this dumb thing my husband did the other day.” Bad-mouthing sessions can seem fun in the moment but there are consequences in the end. I never want to let my attitude towards my husband become so sour that I see him in a bitter light. It should never be “him against me”; as cheesy as it sounds, it’s meant to be “us against the world!”
Marriage is so unique and special – partly because marriage allows you to be both fully known and fully loved. In marriage, you are so connected with someone that you know them more intimately than anyone else in the world. What a privilege and what an immense responsibility! You are the one who knows your spouse deeply, in all their imperfectness. You hold their heart – something they chose to entrust you with! Your spouse should feel like they can let their guard down around you, without fear of criticism, harsh words, or even eye rolls.
Just like I feel safe around Bjorn, I want my husband to always feel safe around me – knowing that whatever fumbles might happen in his day, I won’t make fun of him, tear him down, or laugh about his supposed “stupidity” behind his back. It is our job as wives to be our husband’s greatest champion – his greatest cheerleader! So I urge you to join me in thinking of new ways daily to build up our husbands! And for those of you who have been married longer than we newlyweds have, please share your ideas with us! In what ways do you support and encourage your husband throughout the day? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Thanks for letting me share with you today! To read more, head on over to Just Bee, or follow along on Bloglovin’ and Facebook – and for more daily-life snapshots, follow me on Instagram!
What a heartwarming post on building up our husbands. Thank you for your guest post and I will check out your blog Just Bee. 🙂
This is an amazing and insightful post! Thanks for sharing your experience!
-Krystin Tysire
http://www.girlinbetsey.com
what a sweet post! Thanks for sharing ;o)
Beautiful pictures of a beautiful couple and such a great lesson to be learned! <3
I love this post! So sweet, and I'm so glad you and your husband have such a loving relationship!
I really need to take this into account. I tend to get naggy about my bf when he has really frustrated me about something but I should keep it to myself and let it blow over!
Awe that's so wonderful, I love the photos as well so touching.
This is so great! I feel like I've fallen into this trap too, so thank you for the reminder! <3
I started dating my husband when we were freshmen in college, and I was SO blunt with him about everything–his hair, his grades, his weight, his friends. I have no clue why he stayed with me for long enough for me to realize how much I didn't need to be saying these things (or at least, parsing out all but the most important or relevant things). I'm certainly not perfect, and he isn't either, and it doesn't do well to dwell on the negative. We have enough bad stuff in our lives that we don't need to be a part of it! Great post!
Such a great post! Love the pictures as well!
Great reminder for the men in our lives 🙂
Missy
Popofstyle.com
My husband and I live a private life, with regards to our relationship. So I'm glad I took this on, not discussing anything about my husband to other people. No one's opinion of our marriage matters, but our own 🙂
Great post! I work really hard to not speak badly about my husband to people. It happens on occasion but it's something I try not to do.
This is really sweet. I'm not married, but have been with my man for over two years and although we have arguments where we say things to each other, we'd never say anything about each other behind the other's back!
Katie <3
I love this! You are so right. I'm very careful about what I speak to others about my husband. One pet peeve of mine is when married women talk about what men they find attractive {not their husbands} and I always thought that was so dishonoring. Love lifting up my man with my words. 🙂
Aw this is so sweet! Definitely something to think about down the line. It's so easy to make critical remarks.
This is super sweet its hard sometimes not gripe to girlfriends about my husband LOL but I try my best! PS- I am in Minnesota too!
What a great post! I don't understand the people who are constantly putting each other down and still manage to stay together!
This was so great to read. Made me want to take a step back and check myself and find every way to improve my marriage and relationship with my husband. Thank you for sharing.
What a great reminder! Even though I'm not married, I need to think and speak in the same way of my boyfriend.
Really love the message behind this. I'm trying to work on the whole bitter tongue thing/
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Great post 🙂 I am my husbands biggest fan and cheerleader!
This is such a great read and full of such truth! It's so important to build our husbands up!
Super sweet post!! This makes me realize that I should be a little nicer to my boyfriend 🙂
This is so true and something I always try to make sure I'm doing. I have been in groups of women blasting all their husband's misdeeds and it just seems stupid. My mom always told me, "Don't say anything you don't want people to hold a grudge on, while you will forgive him instantly, they never will." And we're all imperfect. Marriage is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do… it was WAY easier being single and not having to care what you did or when you did it. But when you commit to someone for life, you commit to upholding that partnership in the highest esteem. If you don't… it will suffer.
What a wonderful post! I agree with you, we should not talk poorly about our spouses. A marriage is a commitment, it's not always fun but it's a promise and we should uphold it, always!
Great post! I found myself nodding the whole time. I know it's easier said than done, but so worth it in the end.
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