Your little hand’s wrapped around my finger
And it’s so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you’re dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you everything’s funny, you got nothing to regret
I’d give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that
Oh darling, don’t you ever grow up
Don’t you ever grow up, just stay this little
This Taylor Swift song comes to mind every time I start thinking about my babies growing up. Cue. The. Tears. With my first born’s third birthday being a week away the whole concept of them growing up has really been on my mind lately. She was just born yesterday.
And I look at my daughter now. I could swear she’s still a baby but I see her marching around saying “I’m a big girl.” And then I look at my baby who has to still be a baby and realize he’s walking, pretty much running, throwing tantrums, and can say ‘teeth, outside, all done, go, thank you’ and seems to pick up a new word every day. The truth is, they aren’t babies anymore, and they’re only getting older.
The other day me and Maddie Grace had this conversation:
“Never grow up Maddie Grace.”
“Yes mama I have to I have a birthday soon. Can you turn on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse?”
“If you tell me you’ll never grow up.”
“Fine, I’ll never grow up. Can you put on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse now?”
Before I even got it on she changed her mind and wanted Doc McStuffins. 5 minutes later she ran off in search of a snack. She is an exhausting little person but I love this age with her. Every day she finds something new that fascinates her. She sincerely believes she is a princess. There are magic and spells, knights in shining armor and horses that talk.
And then my baby Tripp. He’s in a difficult stage. While Maddie Grace is playing he runs in to a wall and starts screaming. Then he wants something and starts screaming. Then I give him what he wants and he decides he doesn’t want it and starts screaming. And I only got 5 hours of sleep the night before and I find myself counting down the hours until my husband gets home. But next thing I know Tripp looks at me with the cutest little smile and runs up to give me a hug. He gives me kisses and just wants to snuggle and read a book. Goodnight, Moon has always been his favorite. And every now and then, if I’m really lucky, he will even fall asleep while I hold him and let me rock him, which brings back a flood of memories.
Even when I’m tired, even on the toughest of days, I just want to freeze time with my two children. They are young, precious, and growing up every single day. I wouldn’t mind being the age I am forever too but more than anything I want them to stay this young. They don’t know the horrors that exist in our world. They are happy, imaginative, fun, loving, sweet kids and I’m scared that will change with the future.
But to be honest I’ve been saying the same words since the day I became a mom. I remember rocking Maddie Grace, who is still to this day the prettiest newborn I’ve ever seen (sorry Tripp), and just whispering “don’t grow up” to her as I cried sitting against the wall, knowing that I couldn’t stop time. But every day, every stage she goes through, has brought me a new joy. And every age with her I’ve said that I wanted to freeze time because I love each one more and more.
When I figure out how to freeze time, I’ll write a blog post on it for sure. But for now I’m going to savor the moments with my kids each day. I write down notes on funny things they did or said so that I’ll never forget them. And take a million pictures and videos to look back on as they get older so that I never forget these precious moments.